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:J.A.T.Z. --- Jatz Ain't a Text Zine                             Edited by Tann:
:                           Issue #001                                         :
:                           The Beginning                           May 6, 2004:
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1-J.A.T.Z.
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It's true. Jatz ain't a text zine. It just happens to be a text file with stuff
written in it. That doesn't make it a text zine, just because I might rant and
rave a bit and raise hell about nothing in particular, I swear to god, Jatz 
ain't a text zine, ok? So I better not get any emails telling me my text zine
sucks or anything, because I don't have a text zine.
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2-T.A.N.N.
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And Tann ain't a nickname neither. It's just what you call me. But it's not a 
nickname. It's not a real name either. It's not a name. I am nothing. I am the
factor that does not matter. I'm the variable on neither side of the equation.
Pure hardcore nothing. So don't make fun of my name neither cause it ain't my
name.
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3-Raising Hell
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Raising hell is my favorite hobby. It's what I like to do. I can raise hell all
night and all day. I like to start raising hell in the basement, and work my way
up raising hell on each consecutive floor until I'm raising hell on the rooftop.
And when I reach the rooftop you might think I do some sissy hellraising like
tossing a penny over the side. Hell no! Pennies are for pussies! I like to throw
staplers and television sets from 30 stories above, now *that* is serious hell-
raising. I bet none of you pussies could raise hell with me. You'd probaly get
tired of raising hell and just go pass out somewhere. Not me. When I'm too drunk
to raise hell, I go find some crank to wake me back up so I can keep on raising
hell. What's really fun is getting a big bag of dead ardvarks, anyone know what 
I'm talking about? You can raise some serious hell with a bag of dead ardvarks.
My favorite thing to do with a bag of dead ardvarks is get someone to drive me 
around while I hang my head out the window and sling dead ardvarks at roadsigns.
It's so awesomely hell raising I swear. It don't get much better than that. But
dead ardvarks can be hella hard to find. I think I hunted them all out around
here. Speaking of hunting, guns are a great way to raise hell. But for chrisakes
if you kill a deer dont mount its head on the wall like an arrogant asshole. Get
someone to drive you around and sling it's head at a road sign. No one ever eats
the head anyways. But that pisses me off when stupid assholes mount the head on
the wall. That's because they obviously have not so much as an inkling on how to
raise hell. Sure they have a gun and they shot something, but that's not what
raising hell is all about. It'd be ok if they shot some idiot member of the 
legislature who was involved in illegalizing ephedrine. I wouldn't waste his 
head on a road sign. I'd defineately mount that thing on my wall. But a deer head
isn't original at all. Everyone and their mother has a dead deer head mounted 
somewhere. But a head of a filthy bastard involved in passing retarded laws from
hell? That fucker deserves his head on a wall for sure. Might be best to just
let it rot and mail it to him family members....IN A BURLAP SACK BITCH!
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4-Lowering Heaven
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I'm not even gonna talk about this. This is the damned negation of raising hell.
Only a pussy would be caught dead lowering heaven. Unless you were just doing it
so you could smack god in his pathetically god sized face. That'd be ok. As long
as you raised it back up afterwards.
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