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:J.A.T.Z. --- Jatz Ain't a Text Zine                             Edited by Tann:
:                           Issue #007                                         :
:                           Beer Can Pipe                      November 5, 2004:
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1-Beer Can Pipe
---------------
Making a good beer can pipe is simple if you're not a stupid spaz like EBA or
those incompetent zebra fuckers who write Impulse Reality. In fact, I've never
seen anyone else make a decent BCP. The reason that most people's BCPs suck shit
is because you get a lot of bad air that doesn't have drugs in it. I cleverly
dodge this issue by folding a paper towel into a ball, pissing on it, and 
cramming it into the drinking hole. You're probaly wondering if you can 
substitute water for piss. No Lennie, it just won't work. Now we need to tear us
a new hole to suck on. Go down about 20mm (10/13 inch) from the top of the can 
and poke a small hole in the can. It doesn't matter which side the sucking hole
is on. Just don't put the smoke inlets on the same side like a fucking idiot 
unless you enjoy the odor of freshly burned nasal hair. Put it on the opposide
side like us smart people do. You do wanna be one of the cool kids dontcha? 
Everyone who has smoked out of one of my BCPs tells me it's the best way they've
ever seen it done. My friend Shannon thinks the paper towel helps to trap ashes
but I think the absence of ashes has more to do with the hole being farther from
the bottom than with the traditional BCP. Also, I like to take time to find a 
good tool to poke holes with. My grey utility knife locks at a perfect position
to allow me to sink the blade to the handle without making too big of a hole.
Most any kind of small nail or screw will work as well. An X-Acto knife is great
if they didn't take it from you the last time you tried to kill yourself and
failed because you're a fucking loser. Would you like an antifreeze cocktail you
worthless bag of microwaved dog shit? 
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2-I Won't Bitch
---------------
I was too drunk and lazy to vote so I'm not gonna bitch about the fact that we
have the same war-mongering asshole in office again. I wouldn't mind if he knew
how to fight a fucking war, but noooo, he has to go around saving the women and
children like most of the fucking pussies before him. I was having a daydream 
the other day about joining the army just so I could kill all the damned women
and children and leave their useless fucking corpses laying on their dirt roads
with sewage running down them like the assholes that live over there. Also, I
think that if anyone has the balls to start a war, they should participate in 
combat. George Washington wasn't a pussy, he used to stab people with guns and
then shoot them with his knife. He was a badassed hellraiser from hell.
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_____________________________
3-Just Another Nick-completor
-----------------------------
I was hanging out in #script on irc.gamesurge.net today and realized I couldn't
find my nick completor that I had written awhile back so I made a new one and
added a GUI for setting the stuff that appears to the left and right of the nick
as well as what you put after the abbreviation of the nick. In case you don't
even use mIRC or IRC at all, a nick completor lets you type "Ta: hello" instead
of "Tann: hello." Get it? www.mirc.com/get.html

on 1:LOAD: {
  ;create variables if they don't exist
  ;first time startup only
  if (!%jan.ls) set %jan.ls $chr(40)
  if (!%jan.rs) set %jan.rs $chr(41)
  if (!%jan.dl) set %jan.dl :
}
on 1:UNLOAD: {
  ;destroy variables if
  ;script is uninstalled
  unset %jan.ls $chr(40)
  unset %jan.rs $chr(41)
  unset %jan.dl :
}
on 1:INPUT:*: {
  if ($right($1,1) == %jan.dl) { 
    %a = $nick($active,0)
    %b = $calc($len($1) - 1)
    while (%a) {
      if ($left($1,%b) == $left($nick($active,%a),%b)) {
        say $+(%jan.ls,$nick($active,%a),%jan.rs)  $2-
        halt
      }
      dec %a
    }
  }
}
alias jan {
  ;write stuff to @NC
  rline @NC %jan $1-
  inc %jan
}
alias nco {
  ;type /nco to initiate options window
  clear @NC
  window -aCkoOld +elf @NC -1 -1 188 120
  %jan = 1
  jan Nick Completor Options
  jan $str(-,57)
  jan Left Side - %jan.ls
  jan Right Side - %jan.rs
  jan Delimiter - %jan.dl
  jan $str(-,57)
  jan Exit
}
menu @NC {
  dclick {
    ;$1 is the number of the
    ;line in the window clicked
    if ($1 == 3) { set %jan.ls $?="Input Left Pad" }
    if ($1 == 4) { set %jan.rs $?="Input Right Pad" }
    if ($1 == 5) { set %jan.dl $?="Input Delimiter" }
    if (($1 == 3) || ($1 == 4) || ($1 == 5)) { nco }
    if ($1 == 7) { close -@ @NC }
  }
}
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4-The Grudge
------------
I was all excited about seeing The Grudge, probaly just because it had Sarah
Michelle Gellar in it. She's hot. Buffy kills vampires, she's my hero. I hate
vampires. The Grudge sucked. I don't see why it's the "#1 movie in America" at
all. I wish I had waited to see Saw but I'll wait for it to come to video 
because I'd rather watch movies at home anyways. Like if said, if it hadn't been
a Gellar movie I would've waited for video.
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_________
5-Angband
---------
I've always played roguelikes off and on and lately I've been playing Angband.
Unlike the other roguelikes I've played, the dungeon levels not only change each
game, but just going up and down a set of stairs changes the room. I really 
can't understand why it's coded in such a way but it's still a gun game. Go have
a looksy at http://www.thangorodrim.net/angband.html if you're interested. 
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6-Drug-B-C's
------------
Alprazolam, belladonna, codeine, diazepam, ether, fenatyl, ghb, heroin, iap,
jay, ketamine, lsd, methadone, nimetazepam, oxycodone, pcp, q, restoril, salvia,
two-C-B, u, vicodin, weed, xtc, yabba, and zanax. Now I've said my drug-b-c's.
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