:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/::: :J.A.T.Z. --- Jatz Ain't a Text Zine Edited by Tann: : Issue #003 : : Envy of the Dead May 8, 2004: :::/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: __________________ 1-Envy of the Dead ------------------ What's up with flying a flag half mast? Mourning for the dead? Pathetic. I envy the dead even more than I do retards. I say we rejoice for the dead and save our pity for the living. Besides, they only fly the flag half mast when someone "important" dies. The last time I can remember is when those 8 pieces of shit also known as astronauts got killed. I was especially glad to see people like that die. Wasting our tax dollars so they could take a trip to the stars. A few lines of heroin would've been a lot cheaper than a space shuttle. I say we fly the flag half mast every fuckin' day of the year. Not because someone dies every day, but because someone lives every day. Only the living can suffer. Only the living can catch STDS. Only the living can be sober. Sure the dead are sober but they have already achieved that state of blacked out peace and silence that I attempt to reach every time I buy a case of beer. Except that the dead don't get hangovers because they are so lucky as to be immmersed in blacked out peace and silence 24 hours a day. So the next time you hear about some pathetic excuse for a tragedy and see a flag flying half mast, save your fucking pity for people who live under bridges. Save your pity for hungry children and those that are forced to go to church. Save your pity for those that work their ass off for minimum wage while their boss sits on his ass and gets paid quadruple. Just don't forget to rejoice for those lucky bastards that are already dead. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ___________________ 2-Spiritual Blowjob ------------------- Jesus sucked my cock, in the bathroom of K-Mart, it felt pretty good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _____________ 3-Breaking Up ------------- Dear Sarah, I'm sorry that I have to break up with you in a letter, but I was afraid I might break down and cry if I tried to formulate the words into speech. I would just like to begin by letting you know that it's not you, it's me -- really. I know I complained a lot but I really didn't mean it. Like the time I screamed for hours begging you to remove the hot curling iron from my ass. That was my fault, I really should've complimented your new hair cut. And I'm sorry that I didn't wanna go muff diving just because you hadn't bathed in 5 days and your vagina was encrusted in blood. I should've just put on the nose clips you supplied and started flippin' tounge like a minnow's ass on dry land. The real reason I have to let you go is that I have fallen in love with a Saint Bernard. I can't go on living a lie, it's not fair to any of us. I haven't told Beethoven about you so I would appreciate it if you just walked away quietly and let us lovers be. Yours truly, Nick -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _______________ 4-Pick Up Lines --------------- I don't know if these will work for you, but each and every one of these has gotten me laid at least twice. It's all about the execution. a)Hey baby, you look/smell better than a dead goat, let's go fuck. b)Do you like cool whip? Yes? I have cool whip in my pants! Yah! c)My mom's having her period, will you please have sex with me until it's over? d)I fucked all my chickens to death and ate the corpses, let's go to my place. e)I'm so horny I could fuck a dead goat, please help me! f)Let's chill out over some Slush Puppies and go back to my place to warm up. Happy hunting! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ______________________________________ 5-Trolling Would Be More Fun W/Out Ops -------------------------------------- [23:43:19] * XPatriot (~dkn@adsl-156-213-19.bct.bellsouth.net) joins [23:43:43] whats the deal people [23:43:59] <+_eb0La_> well im not sure exactly? [23:44:58] why are you a patriot [23:45:05] hm [23:45:08] notice the X [23:45:08] <+_eb0La_> an ex-patriot [23:45:16] <+_eb0La_> he has seen the light! [23:45:25] who says i'm american [23:45:31] <+_eb0La_> and realised being patriotic just means your a fool [23:45:45] <+_eb0La_> noone says your american [23:45:51] <+_eb0La_> besides your isp [23:45:59] patriotism is extremely healthy [23:46:04] i think it fuels a nation's power [23:46:14] fuck a nation [23:46:15] a nation without patriotic citizenry is a nation without true power and legitimacy imo [23:46:26] anarchy is the only way [23:46:54] <+_eb0La_> nation pride, patriotism, flags, religion should all be banned, its fuckin shit and destroys people [23:47:16] lol. patriotism is what makes us wanna raise hell just cause a few terrorists killed a few thousand citizens [23:47:21] who gives a shit we're still overpopulated [23:47:36] just cause a few terrorists killed a few thousand citizens? [23:47:40] are you looking to get stuck in the face!!!!!! [23:47:41] lol [23:47:46] thats nothing to get mad about [23:48:45] <+_eb0La_> 911 was amusing in my oppinion [23:48:59] amusing? [23:49:00] I found it amusing too. except for the fact that every fucking station on tv was covering it [23:49:01] JA [23:49:01] explain? [23:49:04] fucking morons [23:49:10] oen channel was more than enough [23:49:15] I didnt watch more than 4 minutes of it [23:49:15] more than enough? [23:49:15] <+_eb0La_> yeh they overplayed it [23:49:19] guys why are you being so cold? [23:49:21] seriously [23:49:22] <+_eb0La_> was funny the first few times [23:49:27] i know 9/11 was way outblasted in the media [23:49:38] but we're talking innocent day-workers just getting murdered because of an aggressive foreign policy [23:49:40] <+_eb0La_> cause i seen what america did to the world too many times, and finally it came home to them [23:49:45] have at least an ounce of compassion [23:49:53] <+_eb0La_> fuck compassion [23:49:56] <+_eb0La_> be strong [23:50:02] <+_eb0La_> they died for a better cause [23:50:03] yah I know they were innocent. and I would care if the world werent so goddamned overpopulated [23:50:06] <+_eb0La_> my amusement :F [23:50:07] <+_eb0La_> :D [23:50:15] um, its not Joe Stockbroker's fault that random president from X years ago decided to help Saudi Arabia or support Israel [23:50:16] aids and cancer will be the salvation of mankind if those asshole doctors dont cure it [23:50:23] its the government's fault [23:50:33] hate the government, be str8 about the people, and don't be a dick about something like 9/11 [23:50:48] cause 9/11 hit the people, BECAUSE of the government [23:50:56] <+_eb0La_> then americans should change the way its country deals with people [23:50:59] <+_eb0La_> then they wont get killed [23:51:08] its bad that the deaths were all concentrated in one area. shouldve been spread across the nation and more of them. but its just good that people died. [23:51:19] <+_eb0La_> but, i can garuantee the majority in that building didnt even know how to pronounce afghanistan [23:51:27] * X sets mode: +b *!*jassified@207.68.171.* [23:51:27] * You were kicked by X ((ClownKiller) No Reason) (let's go change our ident and try to fool 'em) [23:53:41] * Rejoined channel #drugheads [23:53:41] * Topic is 'www.drugheads.tk | infil's project: i need reports of 250-300mg preload (t-1.5hrs) of 5-HTP before a regular dose of cannabis. any input appreciated|I hate golf' [23:53:41] * Set by hypocr|sy on Thu May 06 22:57:16 [23:54:04] * X sets mode: +b *!*imnotband@207.68.171.* [23:54:04] * You were kicked by X ((ClownKiller) No Reason) (can't fool them, they're pros) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ____________ 6-Itchy Feet ------------ Sometimes my feet itch, I scratch them furiously, but to no avail. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------