:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/::: :J.A.T.Z. --- Jatz Ain't a Text Zine Edited by Tann: : Issue #004 : : Happy Belated Mother's Day May 16, 2004: :::/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\-\/-/\::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ____________________________ 1-Happy Belated Mother's Day ---------------------------- Dear Mom, I would just like to thank you for bringing me into this wonderful world. Chock full of pain and suffering. Take a look around you stupid bitch, what were you thinking? The world wasn't overpopulated enough as it was? The worst thing you ever done to me was spread your legs without protection. You're lucky you didn't catch an infection you stupid bitch. And then I could've been born with AIDS or hepatitus or something nice like that. Maybe then I'd already be dead. That's my goal in life. It's everyones goal. It's the only damned thing we know is gonna happen. We're gonna fucking die, so drink up, and smoke up and chop a few lines, help god do his work. Happy fucking mother's day. I have enclosed a dozen dead poppies, don't boil them all at once you stupid junkie. Your son, Justin -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _____________________________ 2-Bastard Moderator from Hell ----------------------------- You never know when you're gonna run into a BMFH. They run out in the wild and delete people's messages at random for no real reason, the following is a fake message that may serve to help you detect a BMFH. /-----------------------------------------------------------------\ |Hey Tann, no homopobic content on the board, please. If you want | |to be homophobic, you are free to do so in your zine, but not on | |the board. | | | |Your message has been deleted. Feel free to continue your | |argument with EBA, but gon't get homophobic, racist, or sexist. | | | |Thanks, | | | |Bastard Moderator From Hell | \-----------------------------------------------------------------/ That's just an example. Beware the BMFH. And just a note, I'm not really homophobic at all. I use the terms loosely and all that. If some fag hits on me I shall politely tell them that I'm not gay, if they do it again I get the fuck away or get ready to fight. I've never been hit on by a gay person though. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ____________ 3-EBA Haikus ------------ /----------------------------\ |I hate EBA, | |he's stupid as fucking hell,| _|even his tie sucks. | / \----------------------------/ / /---- /----------------------------\ / | |EBA is dumb, | | |--- |and he's also a retard, | \ | |hate his stinking guts. | \_ \---- \----------------------------/ /------------------------------\ %---\ \ |EBA's a fag, | % ) \ |he likes big cocks in his ass,| %---- \ |with plenty of lube. | % ) \ \------------------------------/ %---/ \ \ /---------------------------------\ \ /\ |EBA's a tard, | \ / \ |he has drool stains on his shirt,| \ / \ |his mouth won't stay closed, | \ /------\ | | \ / \ |it's always busy, | \ / \ |sucking on a hairy cock, | \ |or licking an ass. | \ |---------------------------------| \ _|(Is that legal? A 2-part haiku?) | \________________/ \---------------------------------/ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _____________________________ 4-Throwing Things Out Windows ----------------------------- Littering is good. Anytime you're eating or drinking in a vehicle you should throw the trash out the window. However, you should always be sure to check both in front and behind you thoroughly to make sure no one will see you chuck the garbage out the window, as I believe littering is illegal everywhere. Never know when some asshole will call on you for decorating the environment. The reason you should litter is because nature sucks ass. There is absolutely no point in doing anything to try to protect the environment. As Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club, puts it, trying to save the environment now is like an 80-year-old lung cancer patient quitting smoking on his deathbed. It's stupid. The damage is done. No use trying to save anything now, not his lungs and not our earth. The best we can do is do everything we can to destroy what's left of the earth and put it out of its misery as soon as possible. Not that littering is actually harmful for the environment. Mostly I just think it looks good. I don't want to live in an environment absent of trash. I can understand if the trash stinks, but most litter is just harmless plastic and metal. It decorates the land. It gives it character. Squeaky clean is for catholic schoolboys. Are you a catholic schoolboy? Then throw your fucking trash out the window you stupid trash can using, recycling, superficial earth loving bastards. Course I guess I'm just as superficial since I prefer seeing a landscape littered with trash. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _____________________ 5-I Suck At Ascii Art --------------------- ################################### ################################### ######## ########## ###### ################## ####### ###### ################## ####### ###### ##### ##### #### ####### ###### ################## ####### ###### ####### ###### ####### ####### ################# ######## ######## ########## ################ ################# ################ ################# ################ ################# ################ ################# ########### ########### ########## ########## ####### ###### ###### ## ### ###### ####### ## ### ##### ######## ### #### ###### ######## ##### ###### ###### ###### #### ##### ##### ############### ############## --------------------------------------------------------------------------------